All right. Angry, controversial post: here we go.
There aren’t many hills I would die on. That the Harry Potter movies are total trash for example, is one. That patchouli should be registered as a lethal weapon, considering that every time I smell it, I want to die, is another. But really, one of my biggest hills? If you’re that person who blasts their music from speakers, at full volume, in an area where people can’t tune it out or escape it, you’re a fucking piece of shit asshole and I want you to know that.
Look, I get it. On the spectrum of Shit That Actually Matters, this doesn’t. As l scroll through the usual news clips I watch every morning over coffee, I’m thinking to myself, “Girl, why you so mad though.” But, it’s my thing, right? Like that song in Avenue Q – “Everyone’s a little bit racist”? Well, “Everyone’s a little bit Karen”, too. And this is something that drives me to the point where I could literally punch through a wall in frustration.
I can’t explain it. I have no idea why it drives me as crazy as it does. It interrupts my thought processes, which I’m sure we could all say would be a massive loss for humanity, so you can only imagine how I feel about it. But more seriously, it’s an imposition on my space. I shouldn’t have to be forced to listen to your shitty music because you don’t feel like wearing headphones. I shouldn’t have move train cars because you want to play your music as loud as humanly fucking possible. I shouldn’t have to be woken out of sleep, in my bedroom, at 8 a.m. because you feel like that’s the *perfect* time to start raging on your back-porch. We’re all in this together after all, right? So why not make it easier on each other?
In truth, I’m not at this level of anger all the time (unless I’m biking, then I’m at a solid 10.) I’m only writing this at level 11 because I have a new neighbor who is that 8 a.m. back-porch dickwad. I lived in shitty buildings for a long time, okay, filled with noise and music from shitty neighbors at all hours of the day and night. And I hated it. I was miserable. To me, home is a place to escape people and the frenetic energy of a city that often makes me crazy. So I moved to where I live now, to get away from all of that. Into a house. Into a quiet neighborhood.
But apparently, this new neighbor has decided – well, this is my house. Imma do what I want. If that means blasting music for hours, so be it. Because, fuck all these houses and apartments around me. Fuck the fact that maybe people work from home now, or work late nights and need to sleep. Because it’s my music, my back-porch, and I should be allowed to play it as loudly and for as long as I goddamn want – right?
So as I stewed over this morning in a rage, having been forced to get out of bed far earlier than I had planned, I was reminded of an interesting question my father posed the other week, when I was over at my parent’s house: "What’s the social contract?"
We’d been talking about the Actual Important Shit – not shitty neighbors, but Covid, BLM and the protests, climate change, the state of the economy, all of the things. And every issue’s core could go back to that question of the social contract: what do we owe ourselves, and what do we owe our fellow citizens, in order to have a society that functions not only to its fullest potential, but one that’s better for everyone?
It was an interesting way to phrase it. Normally, when someone does the inevitable inconsiderate thing, my head just becomes a jumble of fury. But to think of it in that wording, really gave me pause and wonder – huh. What the heck is the social contract in this country?
For example: yeah, drivers are idiots who don’t seem to understand what a blinker is, what a red light signifies, or what the “right of way” means. But in the context of a social contract – is any of that in there? Do we, as a country, think that using a blinker, or stopping at a red light, is optional, because it’s an inconvenience for us? Or, is it something that exists to effectively communicate with other drivers and pedestrians, not to mention making the road safer and less stressful for everyone? I think we all know what my answer is. And, I think we all know that I’m giving a heavy af eye-roll to what I think the average driver’s answer is. Because in my social contract? It’s sooooooo easy to not be an asshole, and to be a considerate human being. But other people’s social contract? *cue me punching a wall*
The point being, to the question of “What’s the social contract?” My answer is: quite simply, we don’t have one in this country.
Is it the root of all our problems? No, not necessarily. But why don't we have one - these days, anyway? Well, there's context that I think helps explain it. For one thing, people in this country don't feel like they owe anyone anything because, well, no one's ever done anything for them. We also live in a time where most of us effectively feel powerless, and on a variety of levels. Whether it be a hustle that never seems to get us anywhere, economic insecurity, or the toxicity of social media that makes us feel small and alone, this downward spiral of people becoming more inwardly focused and more awful is a reaction, not an action. They’re doing what they feel they need to do – consciously or subconsciously - to not only feel a sense of power, but also, to feel seen. And I understand that, in a big city especially. Where my bedroom is – ideally – my escape, my quiet happy place, other people’s version of that might be their back-porch, where they can blast music and dance away and feel like the world is theirs and theirs alone.
But, it's not. It's not their world, and it's not mine. It's ours. And to perfectly honest, I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to understand and explain away the inconsiderate behaviors of others. I'm tired of making an effort, while no one else seems to. I think it's time for a social contract, and it doesn't even have be a long, complicated one. Something as basic as this: you should be able to do whatever it is you want to do, as long as it doesn’t
impose on others. Pretty simple, right? But truth is, I'm pretty sure even that's too much to ask for.
I know people will read this and tell me to meditate, move out of the city, get medicated, you know. And sure, maybe. Maybe all of this is on me, and I'm crazy, and none of these things bother anyone else but me. But what a telling thing it is, that someone who is simply asking for people to be more considerate of others, is the one people will say is the person who needs to change.
