So, those of you who know me, either from real life, Facebook, or last week's Elite Daily publication of my article, know that an article of mine was published... and COMPLETE FUCKING MADNESS ensued. People lost their shit over what I wrote, on a level that was hard for me to bear. In truth, this was only upsetting to me because, aside from the insanely brutal personal attacks from the readers, it wasn't even the article I submitted. My piece had undergone massive edits, all without my approval, and I was pretty fucking pissed at the complete butchery of my words. It was the first time I put my work in someone else's hands, and I had always believed that an editor does their best to make what they edit refined, clean, and the best version of what it can be. Sadly, that was not the case with this article. I understand that publications like Elite cater to a certain audience, and choose subject matter and titles that will make them *click* to read. But I never imagined, when they accept an article and publish it, that they would remove the writer's voice, and instead mold whatever the piece was to fit what they think will get more readers. Incredibly naive of me, I know, but I like to think my writing voice is appealing enough that it doesn't need dumbing down or editing in a way to make it attract more readers. So aside from changing the title, they also successfully extracted what my writing narrative voice is, and that in turn made the article seem like an attack, a mindless raving lunatic rant, rather than a conversation. And that sucked, because it should have opened the doors to having a discussion that should be had, and kinda needs to be had. But you know what? At the end of the day, as much as people fucking hated it, partially because it was an opinion piece and everyone hates people who have the ability to put their (often menial and stupid) opinions online, EVERYONE had something to say about this topic. And that (even though the bulk of it was pretty much skewering me) is ultimately what I dream of accomplishing with my writing. Yes, my first attempt was, well, a complete disaster in this regard. I hope now, that in my future work, it will lead to positive and constructive conversation about provocative topics, instead of everyone just losing their fucking minds in comment sections. At the request of many, and the necessity for my sanity (and to keep my name in the right light), here is what I ACTUALLY wrote, with the ACTUAL title.
Without further ado, I present to you the real "The Rapid Diminishment of the Man's Man":
As I look around, I seem to find myself drowning in a sea jam-packed with, oh, how do I say this - I believe Katt Williams describes them as "bitch n*ggas" - aimlessly swimming at every turn. It's an endless and very bad breakfast buffet of skinny jeans, excellent shoes, beards, man buns, and delicate leather satchels. Nothing wrong with being well-dressed, or even passably-groomed, but that aside, it's 2015, and as my friend Matt eloquently puts it, "the year of the emotional male". (He phrased it much more nicely than I did when I first began fiddling around with the idea of this article, so I'll leave my crass descriptions aside. For now.) But yes, nowadays, I've noticed this disturbing trend of weakness and being lost amongst the bulk of men. I don't even like to call them men. They aren't men. They are oblivious, whiny, and emotionally incapable boys. Maybe this is nothing new, maybe I've just gotten older and wiser and am only now realizing what women before me have known for centuries. But lately, I feel like it's more prevalent than it has ever been: men having an extraordinary need for coddling and ego stroking, all while wanting women to submit, submit, submit- and I don't get it. So why the steady decline of real men, that is to say, men who can handle an appreciate a strong woman? Where, true to 90's music form, have all the cowboys gone? Did they even ever truly exist?
Some might argue that I am biased. Perhaps, yes. My dad is pretty freaking awesome, and as far as manly men go, he's definitely on the manlier end of the spectrum. He's astoundingly capable for not being a blue collar dude; he hand made 80% of the furniture in our house. He plays sports, he can cook like a mofo, and he looks like Bruce Willis. But, really, so what? Yes, he was the first man in my life, and I'm sure that influences my views somewhat. But seriously, even if I had been raised by not him, I'd still look around today and be like, "Okay, umm for real though...what is going on?!" Why would I be asking this? Because I exist, and because I attempt to interact with guys. Granted, I am a very sexual person, so its hard to find a man secure enough to handle my writing (often about it), and my openness. But, even so, I've been patient about giving guys the benefit of the doubt. Partially because up until a few years ago, I was still acting like a kid myself. I was sort of an asshole to guys I dated, and was legit happy acting and thinking "like a guy". I saw myself and guys on the same page, mentally, sexually, dating-ly, relationship-ly speaking. But I'm gonna be 30 in a month. That number may not matter so much, if at all, but latter part of my 20's gave way to many things that changed me and forced me to grow as a person. Given these experiences, I've realized I am now miles ahead of the men, at least the ones I've interacted with, self-awareness wise. And in truth, aside from being able to compartmentalize, I've come to admit that me and them... really aren't alike at all (sad face.) I now find myself choking on the fumes of boys, who have stubbornly staunched hold in men's bodies, these sheep in wolves clothing, and I can't breathe. I need an explanation, and for the love of god, for someone to please crack open a fucking window.
So clearly something is awry here, and, pray tell, what is it? Let us take a brief look at the history of humans; maybe that will provide some onsight of the role men used to have, and how it has shifted to where it wound up today. We can probably skip to, say, the 20th century. So, up until then, as we know, men had their roles- they were the providers, held the top positions of power, plowed the earth, plowed the women. Not to say men were at the top just because they were naturally better than everyone else; though, in a primal sense, maybe they were. But overall, they ruled the roost because they kinda... deemed it so. And there they stayed. They had it goin' on for real, and for a decent stretch too. Even through the first half of the 1900's, this remained the case. Aside from ladies winning the right to vote in '20 (and starting to wear pants) not much else changed, gender-wise. The rest of the 20's and 30's still didn't see much of a shift in terms of why men wound up the hopeless mess they are today, either. But then the 1940's happened, and aside from Carole Lombard and her epic leopard print wardrobe, there was that thing called World War II. What happened there? Dudes in uniform, killing nazis and dropping bombs and shit. Okay, sounds like manliness was still prevalent. And when they came home? Unending sex in the city. Not Carrie Bradshaw, dear ones, just the zygotes of a million future baby boomers being made while listening to Glen Miller Band. Women went back to the kitchen, men went back to the workplace. Our still-powerful gender got busy drinking martinis, being classy, and smacking secretaries asses. So, still no answer.
But then, the 60's and 70's. You know what happened then? A ton of shit, yes, but also: The Pill. There's something to be said about gaining control over one's body in such a powerful way. And it was, I believe, the catalyst of something huge. Women, who had gained a taste of working only half a decade before, back while the men were fighting overseas, emerged from behind their suburban curtains, a la Hamlet, and wanted back in the offices and out of their Stepford fate. Odd, but somehow, they seemed to like not being chained to the kitchen oven, baking cookies while wearing pearls. The hippie movement gave more of an even ground, gender-wise, to that generation, what with communes and free love. And of course, the Civil Rights movement and Vietnam left people, ya know, slightly preoccupied. Then the 80's brought women even more to the workplace forefront, complete with shoulder pads and power suits. And...today. So, what's the answer? Is there an answer?
Well, the answer, at least in part, is surprisingly simple. If we look back to life post-WWII, at every advancement that took place afterwards, gender-role-wise, they all revolved around women. Nothing fun or interesting changed with guys, at least not in terms of defining their role. I feel that men today are insecure and cannot handle strong women because WOMEN, and women's role, have changed, yet men and theirs have not. Part of me thinks its because they are resistant to change. Part of me believes that maybe being manly isn't an inborn, natural thing, that they are raised with ideas of what being a man is, but never define it for themselves. And part of me is starting to think, man, do we even NEED gender roles to define us, and how we act, anymore? Perhaps no matter what, on a primal level, these definitions of our roles will always exist. But maybe, if all of us get in touch with our reality and who we truly are on an individual level, that's the way to break down these boundaries, and things like double standards.
But at the end of the day, I want to believe these men's men were always there, are still out there, that if anything, they're just on the endangered list. I mean shit, I hope they exist. Yes, ruggedness is great, sure, but more so, I want men to have a secure mindset and understand themselves. I want to believe that there are men out there who can match a strong woman and balance her, not try and talk her down and abuse her to submission. A man sure enough in himself and who he is as a person that a woman's past and strengths don't melt his ego. Men who don't blame feminists for not knowing what it means to be a man anymore, or how to act as a man. But for now, the only people not giving fucks about bothering to fit antiquated gender role molds these days are the ladies. And I say: go get it. Don't let pussy men stop you, hold you back, or make you afraid to be yourself for fear of being judged. Eventually, hopefully sooner rather than later, men will accept that roles in society are indeed shifting, quickly, and permanently. They will have to start to define who they are, apart from women. And until these guys come to terms with reality and who they are, well, try and learn to like hipsters.
